Soul Awakening: My Journey from Numbness to Nourishment
Remembering how SOUL centered living requires surrender, openhearted & unapologetic love
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Once you decide to care for your soul, you may be heading toward upsetting changes and upheavals. Creating a more soulful life can take a long time especially when your soul has been ignored or suppressed for many years.
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In the early hours of morning, as the sun's glow began to grace my quiet home, I found myself nestled on the couch with my loyal pup by my side. The book in my hands was "Care of the Soul," a natural choice after being profoundly moved by Bell Hooks' "All About Love," which often cited the wisdom of Thomas Moore.
A new chapter was unfolding within me, and it was as if my soul had been whispering for my attention, urging me to nourish it. Consistency with soul care had always been a challenge for me, a dance I had struggled to maintain. Yet, here I was, dedicating precious moments to myself, tending to my neglected soul's needs.
The realization that my soul had been silently starving hit me hard, even though it took a while to fully grasp. I questioned why this awakening was happening now, what catalyst sparked this profound shift within me, and why had it taken so long.
Typically, it's the impact of significant losses or the jolt of a life-altering event that shakes us from our slumber. While I've faced my share of hardships, none ignited my soul awakening quite like this. So I've been in a state of contemplation, patiently waiting for that quiet moment when I would remember or understand the trigger that set this transformation in motion.
Sometimes, I wonder if some ancestral whisper nudged me awake, a faint yet urgent message echoing, "Wake up, dear one, time is fleeting." Fear can be a wild force, dragging us into murky waters if left unchecked. It's a presence I acknowledge daily, but I've learned not to let it dominate. When fear raises its voice, I counter it by inviting joy or gratitude into my space. Often, this manifests as putting on music and dancing with my children. Our current favorite, "I Want to Break Free" by Queen, feels like an intuitively perfect choice.
Most days, I light sage, burn dried roses, or ignite a candle as I express gratitude to the universe - to God, the sun, the sky, the earth, the stars, and most importantly, to this body that allows me to embrace each new day.
Today, as I read the words above, I had an epiphany. There wasn't a single defining reason for this awakening. It wasn't the result of a specific event, but rather, it was simply the right time for my soul to stir from its slumber. It wasn't an overnight transformation; it was a gradual evolution, a slow unveiling of my soul's yearnings.
I can now trace the subtle signals my soul had been sending - the whispers of its needs, the persistent aches, and the undeniable urge for deep breaths. My pursuit of knowledge had shifted, focusing more on nourishing and liberating myself rather than seeking external validation.
These choices, seemingly small, were steps toward my awakening, a realization that dawned upon me during a conversation with my mentor, Ginny Nadler. She shared a profound insight - all our choices, even those that seemingly ignore our soul's needs, are ultimately part of our path to awakening.
This journey, guided by soul love, is not without its challenges. As I began to listen, I recognized the pain I had been numbing, and it was no longer possible to ignore my soul's pleas. Its most urgent need was space - space to fully experience the rich tapestry of emotional and creative energy that resides within my being.
So, I sat with my unfelt and underexpressed emotions, allowing myself to be present even in discomfort. I developed a unique practice with mirrors, standing before them, one hand over my heart and belly, whispering, "I love you" to myself. I felt the tightness in my chest and stomach as I heard those words from within. It was uncomfortable, yet I met it with compassion.
I embarked on a journey of self-love, recognizing that to be more soul-filled, I needed to release my attachment to lovelessness, as Bell Hooks eloquently describes it. Loving myself fully became a risk I was willing to take, a transformative step towards becoming a more soul-aligned being.
This transformation seeped into every facet of my life, challenging my beliefs, actions, and self-perceptions. Uncertainty and confusion became my companions as I questioned what I thought I knew. I noticed the chatter of self-doubt and the impulse to react, both needing to be surrendered.
Even my work as a therapist underwent a profound shift. I now listen differently, attuning my senses to my clients' souls as they speak. I seek clues that hide within the words between words, sensing the rhythm of their storytelling through breath and cadence. Our sessions are about co-creation, honoring the language of the soul.
This transition isn't without its uncertainties. It means letting go of a well-established professional identity and navigating uncharted waters as my work diverges from traditional talk therapy. I grapple with moments of insecurity, fearing that I may be perceived as less "legitimate." Yet, deep within, I am anchored in my purpose.
I’m clear that while I am here, I plan on being a vessel anchored in love, for even when I feel lost, I know the sun will always rise, and I navigate my journey with love.
